Max “Smitty” Schmidt here, assistant to a Hollywood Agent to the Stars. For the past 15 years I have been a loyal and trusting Assistant to a major Icon in the entertainment industry. This kind of longevity atop the A-List is amazing and not by accident. I have worked my way up from Occidental Film School to the mailroom and up through the assistant ranks. Just three years ago, I was awarded a most generous 2% raise and a lunch break of 20 minutes. My boss is truly the best, as an ADDITIONAL bonus, he gave me three of his Armani ties last Christmas. The “lucky ties” I call them. They adorned my boss’s neckline throughout the eighties, his most prosperous period. Boy Howdy, I think that says something.

Violet

But now, I yearn for something of my own. I have booked a representation meeting with the hottest new actresses in town. During my lunch break, I caught the new DAILY 2.5 minute My Space TV Show: ROOMMATES. The premise is dee-lish. Four spunky adorables, each representing a microcosm of society, share a house in Los Angeles searching for Fame and Stardom.

The four personalities are fresh and intoxicating. I have never seen SUCH originality. First there is Violet, the Chihuahua toting fashonista (ole!).

According to her My Space Profile she really loves her Dad, for without him she would have to work before fully exploring her creativity. Talk about marriage material. Last night, mother came into my bedroom to drop off my freshly laundry shorts and caught me reviewing Violet’s VLOG. She was smitten as well. When it is time to propose, I will take her to the Hills atop Northridge and proclaim my love. I already know which tie I will wear.

Sigourney

Sigourney is my ace in the hole. According to her VLOG she was named after Sigourney Weaver and is dying to become an actress. She would love to join the ranks of my boss’s A-List clientele that includes Elke Sommer, Kathy Najimy and Ron Palillo. She has a tenacious spark and seems to be control freak of the gang, but I like that.

Peyton

Peyton seems to be the only “Roommate” with a job. She is a third assistant to a Producer (Violet thinks he is a “perv’— succulent dish. I know just who she is talking about.) . Peyton also quests for knowledge. It is a talent to remain plugged in for 15 years. I am an excellent role model for her. She will lust for my job security tips.

Heather O.

The last is Heather O. This rebel is dangerous, unpredictable and, frankly, scary. I fear her non-conformist ways will lead her astray from the house. Yet, I find myself inexplicably drawn to her. However, a liaison between Client and Representative would be extremely unprofessional. I just won’t go there. It’s immoral.

It’s different with Violet; because it’s Love.

The episodes of the show are AMAZING. In episode one, they have a tawdry girl’s night in (complete with champagne!). Caught in the saucy trap of “Turth or Dare” Violet has to make out with the camera. It was like she was in my lap! Such reality!

Heather O. decides she needs to party somewhere beyond their white picket iron fence ( I think that means they live near Mother and me in NoHo!) She abruptly leaves with a snarky “Bye B**hes.” Oh, Heather O, why would you ever want to leave Violet and the house?

In episode two, the Roommates have coffee in their deluxe kitchen. They soon realize that Heather has not come home. Sigourney has a FIT! They then reminisce about a time when Heather didn’t come home for two days in college. She was on the roof. Sigourney is ruffled because she hasn’t called.

Episode three: Peyton produces a VHS tape from college. The remaining roommates squeal and view it in tummy exposing PJ’s (hotchy- wawa!). It’s so cute to see them reminiscing of days gone by. HEATHER CALLS! SHE’S IN VEGAS!!!! She met some boys and went off there, Heather is such a risktaker, did I mention she’s pre-law? It suits her. Mother doesn’t like her as much as Violet.

Episode four: Heather returns! The other girls are drinking wine in the hot tub. (Hotness Note: Violet has a short zoom on her butt!). It reminds me so much of me in my youth. Sigourney wants details. Heather blows her off with the apoplectic plea “What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas” Take that Sigourney!

Heather takes a nap.

My only criticism of the show is that they don’t show us enough. The gals are still too aware of the camera but in time they will get over it. For the “Roommates” to catch my sophisticated eye it shows that they must be something VERY special.

Can’t wait to meet with them. GENIUS!!!!